Operation NEXT

What a May it has been. A May like no other, and hopefully a May I will never repeat again. Don't get me wrong though...I am thankful for it, because if I didn't learn something (or 100 things in this case) from this month then it all would have been for naught.

My successes in life teach me little, however, my failures continue to teach me volumes. I have to be honest with myself and everyone else, no matter the cost. This is not the easiest thing to do for someone who is a "people pleaser." Even if it hurts you, even if I don't want to say it, even if you don't want to hear. I MUST BE HONEST ALWAYS. I won't tell you what you want to hear, but I will tell you what I need to say, because that's fair to both of us. What you do with it is on you. Honesty first and always...no matter what.

May was the month of the "breakdown". My body, my mind, my spirit. They all got a complete overhaul this month. I spent 2 nights in the hospital with an incredibly terrible virus and I have no insurance. The running joke is that I can't get sick because I don't have insurance. Ironic, because for the almost 11 years I was at SuperClubs I hardly ever got sick, let alone needed to be hospitalized. I had to humble myself enough to admit that I wasn't going to get better without the help of professionals and continuous intravenous fluids. My mom's taking bets at work to see what my luxury stay will cost me. Thanks Mom...and yes, I am feeling better.

May brought about the realization of just how important a certain person is to me. The kind of realization that comes after a very quick phone call about an accident. An accident that could have taken this person away from me...but it didn't. The realization of just how much I love and care for this person. The thought of losing someone you love so fiercely and deeply that you couldn't even fathom your life without them. 

I also realized some of my limitations. I realized some of the things that I am not cut out for. It was hard to take this look at myself and realize that I was failing at certain things. It was even harder to admit it to others. I am not Super Woman...even though sometimes I think I should be. A BIG ole piece of humble pie for me.  

This is not a realization but let me just add here that I have the most amazing family. My parents and my sister are my biggest fans in life and they hold me up when I can't stand. They remind me of what's important in life. They bring true and honest perspective and I could never thank them enough just for who they are.

May brought me many lessons. Mostly what May brought me was HOPE. Hope for today, and tomorrow and for every part of my life. Fear is no longer going to motivate me. I am going to motivate me. I know that I know that I know that everything will work out the exact way it is supposed to. No matter the cost.

I am REALLY excited for June...

Celebrating 36 Years of Lauren!

Looking Good LaLa!

I actually never gave it much thought as a youngster...getting older that is. I remember when friends in school used to talk about where they wanted to be in life by the age of 25, 30, or 40. They would says things like "I want to be married and have 2 kids before I turn 30" or "I want 8 bridesmaids for my wedding" and all the while I was thinking to myself that I don't even know 8 girls well enough to ask them to wear a hideous dress in my honor on my special day. When I heard all the girls talk like this, all the time I was thinking to myself "should I make my goal to make my first $1,000,000 by 25 or 30?" I wasn't so concerned with wedding dresses and baby clothes back in the day. Here I am now at the ripe old age of 36, still not so concerned with those things. Or thirty-fabulous...however you count time is fine by me. Fabulous is ageless.

My focus today is on where I am right now, at this point in my life (still trying to make that first million). It's not about the husband or the kids or the car or the zip code I don't have. It's not about comparing myself to where I think I should be today based on my age. I could potentially get very disappointed that I haven't "arrived" at the predestined station in life I should have by now. Balderdash!! I am EXACTLY where I need to be today. Exactly where God wants me to be..TODAY. I don't know what the future brings...there may not even be a tomorrow for me...I just know that today I am alive, which means there is something more for me to do on this gorgeous green sphere of dirt...namely blow out the candles on my Carvel cake!!!

I am truly thankful for every experience in my life...even the bad, sad, terrible ones... because I have learned something valuable from each an every one of them and they have helped to shape who I am today. I will always stay true to me. I will always smile first (and then sometimes maybe I will cry so be ready for it...just sayin'). I will always (be proud to) wear my heart on my sleeve...because it looks so good there and since it has always been there I see no sense in moving it now. I will love you FEARLESSLY, audaciously and big (even if and when you hurt me). I will fail big and I will fail often and you can bet your bottom dollar that I WILL get back up and try it again. I will always fight for the important things in life. I will forget my train of thought at some point in our next conversation and ask you "What was I just saying?" and that will be your queue to clue me in. I will bake MY world's best banana bread. I will always assume the BEST in people until they prove themselves otherwise (and then I will still probably give you at least 3 chances to make it right before I tap out and call it quits). I will always prefer my cooking to a restaurant (and I don't need to be tipped). I will always fall short of perfection but I will never give up on "The best version of me". I will speak and WRITE! my mind and my heart without fear of judgment (still getting this one right). I will love music, and travel, and food, and wine, and dancing, and movies, and foreign languages, and different cultures, and above it all...Jesus. I will remain a teachable woman and I will humble myself to constructive criticism from those who love me. I will stay me, the true essence of me, going forward...no matter what. It has been one amazing ride up to now and I hope and pray for many more of these March 27th's to come in my life...

There ain't no one like me and there never will be.

Happy Birthday to a real ORIGINAL!!! 

Chapter 2013

Side Note:  This book starts at Chapter 1977

Since my new job will be taking me in the direction of my life's passion, I am compelled to write.

2012 was not the best year for me and I will be the first to admit it.
There were some incredibly bright highlights (don't get me wrong) but it was mostly just an uphill struggle for the majority of the year.  I finished my 10+ year career with my previous employer when they decided to shut down the business.  I knew it was coming and the last six months of 2012 were really tough...but now that a month or so has gone by since the company closed, I am grateful that it is finally ALL OVER.  I am thankful for every single day I spent at that company and I will never forget the people it introduced to me and the places that it took me.  Thanks for the memories!  Ten+ years is a LONG time and now I am ready for a new thing.

Let me start this next part off by saying that NEVER in all my years did I think that this NEW thing could ACTUALLY POSSIBLY happen at this stage in my life.  I did not even consider this when I knew that I would be needing to acquire new employment.  The thought never entered my brain, so to say that this whole thing is crazy would be the understatement of 2013.  I spent the better part of my entire career (almost 18 years) in a call center managing sellers of travel. After that I did administrative and human resources management. Very worky work. You know...the work that the company needs you to do.  Fine.  Doin' it well.  Now switch to the nights and weekends Lauren.  I LOVE to write...so much so that I started writing a blog about six years ago. Just for fun.  For me and the people I want to talk to about the things in life that are important to me.  My personal Passion Project if you will.  For fun.  Couple that with an amazingly supportive fan base of family and my Facebook and CrossFit ATP community and I could just write forever.  So that was the set-up and now here comes the good part...I promise!

One of my biggest blog supporters just hired me!  To work and write! For her.  Did you hear me?!?!  Getting paid to WRITE.  I still haven't landed on the ground yet.  You want to talk about scared and nervous?!  Check and check.  You want to talk about what just slightly outweighs the crippling fear???  PASSION and  EXCITEMENT

The essence of me (Lauren!) got me this gig.  The Lauren that gets down and dirty in the gym, cursing whatever comes to mind.  The vulnerable and funny Lauren.  The Lauren that loves food so much that I have been known to describe food in almost pornographic detail.  50 Shades of Grilled right here baby!  The Lauren that struggles with all the things in life that makes me type up a blog post. The Lauren that lost 65 lbs and won a contest and lights up a like a Christmas tree when I get to talk about it.  That one.  That's the one that got this NEW THING going.  As I type these words I still sit in amazement.

I am ready.  Everything else leading up to this has prepared me for this day.  I am going to put on my big girl boots, tie them up really tight, and start climbing this mountain one step at a time.  I will reach the top.
I believe in ME...
Victorious.

I'm SEXY and I know it...do you?!

Have you ever realized just how sexy you really are?  Like REALLY KNOW that you are DROP DEAD SEXY?  Do you really believe it?  It took me many years to be able to say (and believe) "I'm sexy and I know it!"...as she typed with LMFAO's hit song of the same title playing on Pandora behind her.

I ' M

S E X Y

AND   I 

 KNOW IT

Merriam Webster defines sexy as "sexually suggestive or stimulating and generally attractive or interesting."  That underwhelming definition does not help much to convey today's message.  I personally prefer the synonyms listed for SEXY including 'bodacious, desirable, dishy, hot, luscious, and toothsome'.  Oh to be a luscious and toothsome woman and to be 'of palatable flavor and pleasing texture'!!!  
OK, so now that we're all warmed up, we can get down to business...

I can only speak from a SEXY woman's perspective.  Sexy begins with a state of mind.  You FULLY believe in your attractiveness and suddenly realize that you are wonderful exactly the way you are.  For me, that didn't happen until I was a little older (early 30's).  I finally realized that I am pretty amazing just because I'm me.  Once you get to that point, the rest should get a little easier.  
First off...stop comparing yourself to other women.  You are YOU!! You are beautiful and sexy just as you are.  You will never be (insert millionaire actress/singer/athlete here) so stop getting down on yourself that you aren't some other woman that you can't or won't ever be, because you are uniquely YOU.  

BE YOUR OWN KIND OF SEXY

Own your 'hot-ness' and never apologize for it.  Take compliments when people give them and NEVER DISMISS THEM! Walk into every single room you enter with a smile and look people in the eye, even at Publix.  You will shock most people, but who cares. You are TOO SEXY to be concerned about that.  Get a mani/pedi AND a massage. Buy something RED to wear.  Oh, the power of RED!  Buy something silky and beautiful to wear under your clothes and wear it on a plain old Tuesday to your desk job, you naughty girl.  You will be ready for Tuesday NIGHT by the time you get home...and your significant other will be pleased to find out they will be having YOU for dessert. Better yet...one up yourself and buy some ULTRA-SEXY and FUN temporary  ta-ta-toos® .  What fun!!! 
You don't call them fun bags for nothing...
Temporary ta-ta-toos®
For just a few dollars, you can say something naughty, or nice...or both.  Imagine the look on his/her face when you take your blouse off next Tuesday to reveal something like Let's Celebrate or Welcome Home.  Your significant other will think they forgot about their birthday and just hit the SEXY lottery all on the same plain old work day. And well, let's be honest.  They did.  I mean look at you!!! You are gorgeous girl! Beautiful!!
Most importantly...you are SEXY!!! 
Now get out there, SPICE it UP, and show me what SEXY looks like.  
Work it!! 
Own it!!

Just try and beat me...I dare you.

It's official.
I am ready.
Again.
To dominate.
All competition.

I'm not gonna lie...it has truly been a life full of decadence these last few months following what could have been my very last ride in a car.  Remember kids...Seat belts are in the back seat for a reason.  Don't believe me?  I've got the scars to prove it. Buckle up!  
Life changed forever & drastically on March 4, 2012, never to be the same again.  So much so (as near death experiences normally do) that all the itty bitty annoyances in life that used to bother me so much have all but melted away, forever banished to the "It really doesn't matter anyway" file.  Let me add here that driving on I-595 or being a passenger in anyone else's car is still a work in progress.  These days it's all about enjoying EVERY SINGLE DAY to the FULLEST.  Really LIVING life!! Spending time with and money on the people I love the most in life...starting with me (yes, it's OK for me to make me #1 in my life).  Family, friends, food, fiestas, and travel, travel, travel. I can't take any of this $$$ with me when I go so I might as well enjoy it while I'm here.  I'm already planning vacations for the remainder of the year....who wants to go back to Mexico with me?!?! Seriously...who's in?

The funniest thing about the accident and my never ending quest to be happy with my body is that I seemed to keep most of the weight OFF until I got back into the gym. (Yep, I'm just all giggles over it) Here I sit, typing, 3 months into my rehabilitation and I've gained weight!! 
Uh oh...This should not have happened because I have actually been getting stronger in the gym, making gains and progress in the areas I was so initially so weak. Don't get me wrong, I love exactly who I am right this very minute, I just know that it's time to do some NEW & IMPROVED work... 
I got a little weak in the fork/spoon/knife/sugar/alcohol department and I can accept that.  I know that to be able to say that out loud without wanting to kill myself with a dull butter knife is the step in the right direction thanks to my new perspective shift and I don't feel like it's the end of the world!!! Imagine that.  The world has not stopped spinning on it's axis because I put on a few lbs.  In fact, I am even MORE excited to be even better than I was this time last year.  I remember, do you?
I am saying ALL of this out loud simply for accountability.  I know that I am not perfect, but I am capable.  Success is within my reach.  Why can't I do this two times in a row?! (I couldn't think of a reason either) I have all the tools at my disposal. I will keep a journal this time around too.  I have an INCREDIBLE network of support and love in my team. 

Let me leave you with this...I hope you all enjoyed my brief stint as a more voluptuous woman.  I certainly did.  Gaining weight was easy AND fun...SO. MUCH. FUN.  Enjoy the curves while they last for I will be trading them in soon enough for some SUPER ripped abs and an ASS you can bounce a quarter off of and then crack some nuts with.  What?!  There is nothing unreasonable or out of line with that last sentence. That's all the motivation I need.  Well...that and the fact that I REFUSE to spend any more money on clothes that I will soon no longer need.  Today it's drawstring linen pants coupled with the hope I make it into my fave pair of painted on skinny jeans just in time for the Fall.

3...2...1...Dominate.