I always knew that I had the potential to be the person who I am today (the "AFTER" version of Lauren). I have always believed that I was destined for some kind of great personal achievement...even as a kid growing up. I know this based on my ever burning desire (albeit quite faintly at times) to be #1 at mostly everything I attempt...spotlight please. I embarrassingly admit that I am not the best loser either. I don't even like losing baking contests at work...which, by the way, is what helped get me in this mess to begin with.Rewind to March of 2008...my personal bottom (which is ironically my personal peak on the scale at 230lbs.) just days before my 31st birthday. I would file that time (and months leading up to my 'Aha Moment') under Lessons Learned /Things I Hope I Never Forget. I was hanging on to the last of my unraveling rope by my pinky finger. I was drowning in self pity. My lifestyle and food choices were harmful and I felt myself starting to slip away from any vague remembrance of the vibrant, happy and generally all-around awesome woman I used to be. It really scared me too because I thought I had already unsuccessfully tried everything and I was strongly considering not getting up just one more time to try to be better once more. Screw that defeatist negativity!! I care more about me than I don't (make sense?). I did A LOT of soul searching. I raised my hand and said I had a problem and that I needed help because I was too weak to fly my Crazy Plane solo. I sit here now and think back to those days when I was looking forward blindly into this deep unknown called my future not knowing what it would bring (which has been the most amazing 'present' to unwrap). I started to stoke the fires in my belly to be well and have a normal (well at least not psychotic) relationship with food. I didn't exactly know how I would get there, or when, but I knew I would eventually arrive there...which is actually right here. I knew that where I was at that time was the last place I wanted to be and the only person in my life that was going to change me was ME. I stopped feeling sorry for myself, picked up my black and blue bloated and overinflated ego, talked to people with PERSPECTIVE, put down the fork, put on my sneakers and went about the business of personal and total 'Me world' domination...
This has been 3 1/2 years of blood, sweat, and tears in the making. 1, 2, 3, and a half...years. There was no 'Quick Fix' this time around. I had previously lost 50 (in high school), then 6o (after a break-up) pounds on separate occasions and fairly quickly each time and MOST importantly for all the WRONG reasons. This time around was different. There was nothing to distract me from myself and I was able to be completely selfish during the process. I started by slowly changing the way I thought about food (Biggest epiphany to date!!) and then I started changing my actions towards food and got my enormous behind back to the gym. I knew in my heart of hearts that I had at least 55 lbs to lose and having to do it AGAIN weighed heavily on me many times (pun intended). This was NOT about all-or-nothing, it was about making the next right choice. I persevered over the next year and a half and was able to get down to about 196 lbs. when I was introduced to one of the missing pieces of the 'New and Improved' Lauren puzzle...Crossfit ATP.
David, a guy from the gym I was working out at (love Memorial Hospital gym...big ups!) saw the little circuit training routines I had put together for myself (this girl loves a jump rope) and asked me if I had ever heard of ATP. He said they were doing some new things over there and they had small classes for $15 that I could go and check out and decide if I wanted to learn more about it. Plus they were working with kettlebells (???), which I heard little to zero about up to that point so I was naturally VERY INTRIGUED (because I thought I already knew everything!). I called the gym later that same day and made an appointment. I met Juan and staff in October of 2009 and my life would never be the same. I was excited immediately because these people were magnetic and I wanted the light I saw in them to radiate from me too! I even paid for personal kettlebell instruction so that I would be up-to-speed and not excluded from movements and classes that Juan required a certain level of instruction in order to participate in (Genius!!! because you have no idea how wrong you do many movements until you are properly educated on form, breathing, mobility, etc.). At the time there was just a small corner of the gym that was dedicated to this new kind of training. Then I started to hear this word 'Crossfit' getting thrown around (never heard of it before) and I started getting even MORE interested. I continued to train at ATP when the fundage would allow and then I heard the best news EVER...Juan is making the gym 100% Crossfit dedicated. At that point I knew I had reached the point of no return and I decided to leave my old gym and really put all my eggs into the Crossfit ATP basket. It was one of the best decisions of my health and life. Where do I sign? Yes, people...the first customer. Customer #001 as of 1/1/10. I wanted to make that mean something to me.
The thing I love about Crossfit ATP (and there is infinite awesomeness to list) is that even walking through the doors at almost 200lbs I never felt judged, or pitied, or neglected. I had already begun the inside transformation and all I felt was true encouragement and love from the start from every single person. People here are so genuine in their everything...gosh it leaves me at a loss for words, but just for a moment.
Fast forward to June of 2011. By this time I had gotten my weight down to about 186lbs (44 gone to date), namely because I was doing the food thing half-assed. I would work out incredibly hard and just kill it and then go home and eat kinda crappy and the scale wouldn't budge, but I was comfortable for a time there. Then that "winner" fire in my belly flared up again (no, it wasn't indigestion) and I wanted even MORE for myself. I started thinking about how to get to the 'BEST VERSION OF MYSELF'. On July 5, 2011 I went Sugar Free for 30 days (Biggest diet epiphany to date). That self-imposed challenge proved to be incredibly difficult (I was sadly and honestly addicted to sugar) and equally rewarding because I lost 13 pounds and gained incredible amounts of energy and firmness (BONUS: I ended up giving up Diet soda too). That put me very happily at 173 (57 lbs. down), wearing size 10 - 12 pants and LOVING LIFE in a very new and lovely way! Then Juan decides to throw a Body Challenge Contest open to anyone in the gym and the winner receives a FREE 1-YEAR MEMBERSHIP!!! That was all I needed to send me into a tailspin of hunger for my name to be preceded by the word Champion. I put in ALL the hard work, ran my house, kicked my ass, won the contest and realized a new personal best...159lbs (71 lbs!!)! I haven’t seen the 150‘s since 1998 or so. This last month has brought an additional loss of 4 lbs and I am now 155 pounds of pure hot heat! Seventy five pounds gone, but not forgotten. 75. God, may I never forget where I started. May I always appreciate the gift I have been given and may I inspire you to be the best version of YOU that you can be. It's all still very new and takes a bit of getting used to. Sometimes just catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror surprises me because it is almost a stranger that is looking back at me (or I think to myself, "What is my sister doing here?"). I can say this though…I have never believed in myself more, sat up straighter, stood up taller, smiled bigger, laughed louder, or hugged harder. I have NEVER felt sexier, stronger, or more beautiful than I do right this very minute. I’m smiling!!! I have every single person at ATP to thank for my new and improved ego, may I always remain humble. You ALL let me grow into this beautiful butterfly and you actually enjoy watching me be successful!!! There are ZERO haters here...just love. I look forward to each and every time that I get walk through the doors of this place. I have found a community of friends that love and support me in my personal goals. I have made life long friends as a result of the time I have spent here and I am truly thankful from the teeny tiny corners of my heart. I see so much success around me too. I see people coming into the gym getting leaner and stronger and more confident with each passing day. I see people changing their lives right before my very eyes and I LOVE IT!! I am only one single page in the book of Crossfit ATP that I hope is never finished being written, because I never want to get to the last page, because it is a story that deserves to keep being told forever and ever and ever. Amen. You changed me for the better and words will never be able to aptly express the monumental significance you are to me. I love you!
Your first member and BIGGEST (only figuratively now) fan,
Lauren Lesinski
