My successes in life teach me little, however, my failures continue to teach me volumes. I have to be honest with myself and everyone else, no matter the cost. This is not the easiest thing to do for someone who is a "people pleaser." Even if it hurts you, even if I don't want to say it, even if you don't want to hear. I MUST BE HONEST ALWAYS. I won't tell you what you want to hear, but I will tell you what I need to say, because that's fair to both of us. What you do with it is on you. Honesty first and always...no matter what.
May was the month of the "breakdown". My body, my mind, my spirit. They all got a complete overhaul this month. I spent 2 nights in the hospital with an incredibly terrible virus and I have no insurance. The running joke is that I can't get sick because I don't have insurance. Ironic, because for the almost 11 years I was at SuperClubs I hardly ever got sick, let alone needed to be hospitalized. I had to humble myself enough to admit that I wasn't going to get better without the help of professionals and continuous intravenous fluids. My mom's taking bets at work to see what my luxury stay will cost me. Thanks Mom...and yes, I am feeling better.
May brought about the realization of just how important a certain person is to me. The kind of realization that comes after a very quick phone call about an accident. An accident that could have taken this person away from me...but it didn't. The realization of just how much I love and care for this person. The thought of losing someone you love so fiercely and deeply that you couldn't even fathom your life without them.
I also realized some of my limitations. I realized some of the things that I am not cut out for. It was hard to take this look at myself and realize that I was failing at certain things. It was even harder to admit it to others. I am not Super Woman...even though sometimes I think I should be. A BIG ole piece of humble pie for me.
This is not a realization but let me just add here that I have the most amazing family. My parents and my sister are my biggest fans in life and they hold me up when I can't stand. They remind me of what's important in life. They bring true and honest perspective and I could never thank them enough just for who they are.
May brought me many lessons. Mostly what May brought me was HOPE. Hope for today, and tomorrow and for every part of my life. Fear is no longer going to motivate me. I am going to motivate me. I know that I know that I know that everything will work out the exact way it is supposed to. No matter the cost.
I am REALLY excited for June...
